I don't know

Sitting here trying to get over a few things. Sometimes I feel I haven't done too wrong in life. I didn't lie ad cheat, but yet I'm the one who has to suffer through everything. I'm starting to really hate you and myself and really just want to give up. I'm tired of trying, I've been trying since age 12. I'm done. . .

2010 Ew and Aw

Wow! It's been since last year, since I did a blog. Very long time! At least I can say that this wont be a depressing blog today. I'm actually doing swell. But, my birthday is tommorrow (January 22, 1991 born at 12:03a). Lol. But I'm like not even excited about it. I'm not even sure if I want to do anything. I remember when I was turning 15, I told all my bestie's I didn't want to do anything. And tell me why when I got home they threw me a surprise party. I was so pissed. BUT on the plus side I had lots of fun. Than they took me out to eat and to see a movie. That was one of my best birthday's ever (besides from the ages of 1-8). Even though I begged and pleaded I didn't want anything or to do anything... Birthdays are ew.. But I'm a little excited because I'm getting older.. So that's aw! : )

She gets on my nerves

ONCE AGAIN...

Yes & No

Friday I would supposedly be home.
And even though I love her so much, I can't wait to go home. She's right, ever
since I got here everything hasn't been the same as before. Like the other times
I would see her, we would both be so happy. Can't get our hands off each other
and we would not even fight. Now going into 6 months of this relation I feel
things our falling apart because of me. Like we fight and argue so much. . . And
its really not her fault, I'm the fault. Because of who I am as a person.
. PAIN, hurt and sadness. And until I let that go. . . .

Problem

Sex has been the problem for these last two days.. Like I really don't know what is going on.. Yesterday all day we didn't have sex.. Like one we went out early in the morning and of course when were we didn't have sex because were like out.. And when we got home we took our showers and she was all quite and stuff. So I really didn't know. Than I got tired and went to sleep for a while. Than she went to sleep for a while.. Buyt here's the funny part.. Like she complained to me or adressed that we haven't had sex all day..

So while she was on her laptop playing her little game I was trying to suduce her.. And it worked for like 3 seconds.. And she basically blew me off.. Like how do you say we didn't have sex but I'm trying to kiss her and shit and she just rather play the game.. So me being the person I am.. Went to sleep instead...

WOWOWOWOW.... And now like she was laying down in bed sniffing her little rag and sucking her thumb like a cute little baby going to sleep.. So I left her alone and she got mad.. Like listen I'm not a fucking mind reader... Like damn w.e.. I don't know anymore

7?

Today i saw the movie 7 Pounds [Will Smith main character] with my girlfriend. Great movie.. But in someways I wish I didn't see it.. Reminded me a little of who I am.. Or what I want to do sometimes in life.. And now my girlfriend is acting real funny towards me.. But than again maybe its me because she always tells me that it is.. So I dunno.. I'm just chilling... Ha.. And my head kind of hurts.. Probably because I need to eat.. W.e. Not important.. Trying to figure out things right now..

X-mas?

I remember it was like yesterday.. When I couldn't wait for Christmas to come.. I mean don't get me wrong.. Surprisingly today I'm having a good day.. I'm proud to also say that I'm greatful for all the gifts I have recieved.. And the best gift is being here with my girlfriend which I love so much.. But still I'm hurting inside.. But at least its a little bit.. But I will always have this [hurt] inside of me some where.. It will never seem to go away.. Till the day I die, I will never be completely happy.. Its like there's something wrong with me.. Its like everything is wrong with me, but than again everything is all right.. Like I have everything I can ask for.. But than again I don't because all I want is to be happy.. And for my mother to also be fully happy..